Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?