after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.