take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need to align my fucking chakras