Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
