already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
