I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
