I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
