just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
