I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
