she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
