I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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