I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
