i barfeds in our rink
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
