i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
