i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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