today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
