I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
