he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
