marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
