so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
