He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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