Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
