Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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