Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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