you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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