Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
