Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize