ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you made out with another girl for some wings
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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