ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
