just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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