Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
