whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
