i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
