Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
