Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you never un-have a 4some
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
