Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
