does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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