im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
