did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
