Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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