But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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