White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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