I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
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my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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