hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
