you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
smell my finger.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
