He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
