I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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