I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet