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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (813): View more from Florida

  That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.

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• (310): View more from California

  The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises

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