omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?