oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone