Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.