i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way