I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
