The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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