Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
