He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
