I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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