so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
