tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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