Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
