i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Houston, we have a blender
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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