I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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