I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
