she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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