What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
