I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
