I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
