Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
