you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
