I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
