Banned from zoo.
Again?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
