I just cut my nipple shaving
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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