I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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