Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
