My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
